The Cost of Control: Why Letting Go Feels Impossible

Perfectionism thrives on control. You want everything to be just right—not because you're controlling by nature, but because deep down, uncertainty feels risky. Handing off a project, relying on someone else, or leaving something slightly undone all trigger anxiety.

This is why perfectionists struggle to delegate. Even if someone else is capable, you feel like their errors will reflect on you. So you take on more and more, stretching yourself thinner until you’re too overwhelmed to function well.

This need for control extends beyond work. You may find it hard to accept help from loved ones or allow spontaneity into your schedule. You may redo a partner’s chore or micromanage shared tasks. Over time, this creates emotional distance. Others may feel untrusted or pushed aside.

The paradox? The more you try to control, the more anxious and isolated you feel.

EMDR therapy helps uncover the experiences and beliefs that made control feel necessary. Often, it's rooted in past moments where things felt out of control—trauma, unpredictability, or early criticism. EMDR helps you process those memories so you can start trusting both yourself and others again.

It’s possible to let go without falling apart. Learn how at https://annemoigistherapy.com/.